Breaking

Welcome to our SanFran hipster

Branch

I. HIPSTER

Hipster is a broad term for a “hip” person with non-individuality and who needs to be seen at music shows, art galleries, restaurants and anything that is urban and hip.

A. SCENESTERS

Indie fashionable sophisticates who show up to a venue only to be seen in a scene

FASHION: Tight red striped shirt, black rim glasses, some dumb hat, mom jeans, skinny designer jeans, belt shoes, bow ties, plaid, denim
MUSIC: Radiation City, And And And, Wild Ones
HANGOUTS: Holocene, Dig A Pony, Sweet Hereafter, Aalto, Church
RESTAURANTS: Expensive ones
BOOK: Breakfast of Champions, Our band could be your life
QUOTE: “You don’t know who ____ is?”
TV SHOW: Sex in the City, The Wire, Dexter
FOOD: Pho’
DRINK: Mohito, Wine

B. BARISTERS

Coffee/Laptop nerds that live at Stumptown ALL DAMN DAY

FASHION: Messy hair, v-neck shirt, dark blue blue jeans, old loafers…sometimes a pair of tattered converse, glasses even if they have 20/20
MUSIC: Onuinu, Menomena, Aan, Helio Sequence
HANGOUTS:
Stumptown, Heart
RESTAURANTS: Sweet Pea, Blossoming Lotus
BOOK: Espresso Extraction, God in a Cup
QUOTE: “Shhhh i am trying to look cool on my Macbook Air”
TV SHOW: National Geographic
FOOD: Triple shot espresso
DRINK: Umm..Latte Espresso Mocha….Duh

C. FOLKSTERS

Bearded, lumberjack lookin, accoustic guitar, ukulele, violin, cello playing folks

folksterFASHION: Beards, mustaches and beards, button down western shirt, faux old blue blue jeans, old maid dresses with no brazier, cowboy boots or loafers…sometimes a pair of tattered converse
MUSIC: Horse Feathers, Y La Bamba, Laura Gibson
HANGOUTS:
Barns and the woods
RESTAURANTS: Stumptown, Heart
BOOK: Mark Twain
QUOTE: “Twang”
TV SHOW: PBS, The Arts Channel
FOOD: Vegan Crap
DRINK: Coffee (Black)

D. BIKESTERS

FIXED GEAR bikes riders, who hate on auto drivers because they are jealous that they can’t afford a car

FASHION: Lil’ bike hat, tight turtleneck shirt, shoulder bag with flare, 12 gauge ear plugs, cut off shorts, rolled up tight slacks, bike shoes that click when they try to “walk”
MUSIC: Talkdemonic, Alan Singley, Modest Mouse
HANGOUTS:
Stumptown, Bar Bar and Stumptown
RESTAURANTS:
Miss Delta
BOOK: Rough Ride, Slow Ride, Wild Ride
QUOTE: “Watch out, comin through, can’t stop!!!”
TV SHOW: Too cool to own a tv
FOOD: Veggie Burgers and energy bar
DRINK: Some kind of healthy smoothie or coffee

E. MODSTERS

Usually rocking a cocky attitude to compensate for low self-esteem and cocaine addiction

FASHION: Dyed black or bleach blonde hair, huge sunglasses, white hat, denim jacket or a smelly fur coat, super tight leather or plaid pants, white or red tie, pointy cowboy boots
MUSIC: Dandy Warhols, Clorox Girls, Cocaine Unicorn
HANGOUTS: Red Light, Buffalo Exchange, Kelly’s Olympian
RESTAURANTS: Montage, Dennys
BOOK: None because they can’t read
QUOTE: “What does this reverb pedal do????”
TV SHOW: American Idol, Desperate Housewives
FOOD: Cocaine, Vicodin
DRINK: Cocaine, Pabst, Cocaine

F. ROCKSTERS

Genuine peeps who actually know how to pluck a guitar and are usually nice. Usually consumes Papst and smells like cigarettes

FASHION: Beards and more beards, long hair, ripped blue jeans, converse shoes, leopard tights, ripped t-shirt with metal bands or wolves
MUSIC: LKN, Red Fang, Quasi, Yob
HANGOUTS: Kellys Olympian, Slow Bar, Shanghai Tunnel
RESTAURANTS: Miss Delta Cafe, Russel St BBQ
BOOK: Please Kill Me, The Dirt-Motley Crue
QUOTE: “Pass the Pabst bro”
TV SHOW: Walking Dead, Lost
FOOD: Grease, Ribs, Pizza, Burgers
DRINK: Bourbon, Pabst, Puke

G. GOTHSTERS

Tattoed black haired disgruntles, who wear eyeliner and makeup to cover up their acne and pock marks

FASHION: Black Hair, Black Eyeliner, Black Tattoos, Black lipstick, Black Shirt, Black Pants, Black shoes, Lots of Chains, cross necklaces, tattoos, which hats
MUSIC: Shadow House… and that’s about it
HANGOUTS: Lovecraft, Another State of Mind
RESTAURANTS: Hubers, Red Robin
BOOK: Interview with the Vampire, Death: The High Cost of Living
QUOTE: “Whatever…I like the rain”
TV SHOW: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Walking Dead, True Blood
FOOD: Spaghetti, Meth and blood
DRINK: Yagger and redbull, Bloody Mary

H. HIP-HOPSTERS

Underground hip-hop dwellers waiting for the next chill beat to drop. Usually bright white skinned

FASHION: Crooked trucker hat, old school Nike high tops, black skinny jeans, dark Rimmed glasses, baseball or v-neck t-shirts, denim, bling, apple watch
MUSIC: Tope, DJ Tan’t, Omega Watts
HANGOUTS: Holocene, Nightlight, Tiger Bar, Swift
RESTAURANTS:
Miss Delta
BOOK: Turntable Lab 101
QUOTE: “Yeah dawg that track was tight homey”
TV SHOW:
24, Lost, Battle Star Galactica
FOOD:
Burger and fries, fried chicken
DRINK: Gin & Tonic, 40 o’ Miller High Life, Purple Drink

I. NORMSTERS

Actual musicians and artists without the fashion getup but sometimes gets called a hipster because hipsters call eachother hipsters

FASHION: Regular hair, tattoos, normal fitting pants, confortable shoes with orthotics, non v-neck shirts, belts with awesome belt buckles
MUSIC: Quiet Countries, ((( In Mono ))), Mascaras
HANGOUTS: Beulahland, The Red Flag, The Standard, Nightlight
RESTAURANTS: Holmans, Red Flag
BOOK: Blade Runner, Breakfast of Champions
QUOTE: “What the hell is that dude wearing??”
TV SHOW: Seinfield, Family Guy, Battlestar Gallactica
FOOD: BarbeQ Ribs, Mac n’ Cheese
DRINK: Whiskey, Pilsner

II. DOUCHEBAG

Don’t even get me started. OK FINE!!! CLICK HERE

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