Branch

I. HIPSTER

Hipster is a broad term for a "hip" person with non-individuality and who needs to be seen at music shows, art gallerys, restaurants and anything that is urban and hip.

A. SCENESTERS - Indie fashionable sophisticates who show up to a venue only to be seen in a scene.

    FASHION:Seaplane dress, tight red striped shirt, black rim glasses, some dumb  fucking hat, skinny designer jeans, belt shoes
    MUSIC: The Blow, Plants, Panther, Shaky Hands, Yacht, E*Rock, Copy
    HANGOUTS: Holocene, Dig A Pony, Sweet Hereafter, Aalto
    RESTAURANTS: Some Vegan only bullshit
    BOOK: Breakfast of Champions, Our band could be your life
    QUOTE: "Don't You Know"
    TV SHOW: Sex in the City, The Wire, Dexter
    FOOD: Pho'
    DRINK: Mohito, Wine



B. BARISTA/FOLKSTERS - Coffee/Laptop nerds that live at Stumptown ALL FUCKIN DAY

    FASHION: Beard, un-kept hair, button down western shirt, non-blue blue jeans that are tattered, old maid dresses and no brazier, cowboy boots or loafers...sometimes a pair of tattered converse
    MUSIC: Horse Feathers, Nick Jaina, Laura Gibson, Shaky Hands
    HANGOUTS:
     Stumptown
    RESTAURANTS: Sweet Pea, Blossoming Lotus
    BOOK: Annie
    QUOTE: Shhhh i am trying to look cool on my Macbook Air
    TV SHOW: PBS, The Arts Channel
    FOOD: Vegan Crap
    DRINK: Triple shot expresso


C. BIKE MESSENGERS - Bikers with those fucking stupid and dangerous FIXED GEAR bikes that hate on auto drivers because they are jealous that they can't afford a car.

    FASHION: Lil' bike hat, tight turtleneck shirt, shoulder bag with flare, cut off shorts , rolled up tight slacks, bike shoes that click when they try to "walk"
    MUSIC: Talkdemonic,Alan Singley, PJWA
    HANGOUTS:
    Stumptown, Bar Bar and Stumptown
    RESTAURANTS:
    Miss Delta
    BOOK: The one where Lee Armstrong should of died
    QUOTE: "learn how to drive your car because i cant stop in time with my stupid fixy"
    TV SHOW: ipod and me
    FOOD: Veggie Burgers and energy bar
    DRINK: Triple Shot Expresso



D. MODSTERS - The most annoying fucks with cocky attitudes, pathetic low self-esteem and no clue about anything but shopping for clothes and cocaine.

    FASHION: Died black or bleach fakeass blonde hair, huge sunglasses, White hat, Jean Jacket or a smelly dead animal fur coat, extremely tight leather or plaid pants to show off their small junk, unnecessary white or black tie, black shiny pointy boots
    MUSIC: Nice Boys, Clorox Girls, Dandy Warhols
    HANGOUTS: Tube, Dunes, Red Light, Clackamas Mall, Kellys Olympian
    RESTAURANTS: Montage, Denny's, Mcdonalds
    BOOK: None because they can't read
    QUOTE: What does this reverb pedal do????
    TV SHOW: American Idol, Desperate Housewives 
    FOOD:
    Cocaine, Vicodin
    DRINK: Cocaine, Pabst, Cocaine



E. ROCKERS - Genuine fuckers who actually know how to pluck a guitar and are sometimes nice. Usually consumes Papst and smells like a sweatshop.

    FASHION: Beards and more beards, long hair, ripped blue jeans Shit Kickers, t-shirt with other bands or wolves
    MUSIC: LKN, Red Fang, Quasi
    HANGOUTS: Matador, Kellys Olympian, Tube, Shanghai Tunnel
    RESTAURANTS:
    Miss Delta Cafe, Russel St BBQ
    BOOK: Please Kill Me, The Dirt-Motley Crue
    QUOTE: Pass the Pabst bro
    TV SHOW:
    Walking Dead, Lost
    FOOD: Grease, Ribs, Pizza, Burgers
    DRINK: Bourbon, Pabst, Puke




F. HIP-HOPSTERS - Underground hip-hop dwellers waiting for the next chill ass beat to drop. Usually bright white skinned.

    FASHION: Crooked Trucker Hat, Old school Nike high tops, Baggy pants, Dark Rimmed Glasses, Baseball shirts
    MUSIC: DJ Tan't, Brokaw, Sleepyhead, A.E.D, Omega Watts, Life Savas
    HANGOUTS: Holocene, Nightlight, Tiger Bar, Roseland
    RESTAURANTS:
    Miss Delta
    BOOK: Turntable Lab 101
    QUOTE: yeah dawg that track was tight homey
    TV SHOW:
    24, Lost, Battle Star Galactica
    FOOD:
    Burger and fries, fried chicken
    DRINK: Gin and Tonic, Miller High Life




G. GOTHS - Tattoed black haired disgruntles that wear eyeliner and makeup to cover up their acne and pock marks.

    FASHION: Black Hair, Black Eyeliner, Black Tattoos, Black lipstick, Black Shirt, Black Pants, Black shoes, Lots of Chains
    MUSIC: Stabbing Westward, Cure, NIN, Marylin Manson
    HANGOUTS:
    Lovecraft and thats about it
    RESTAURANTS:
    Hubers, Red Robin
    BOOK: Interview with the Vampire, Death: The High Cost of Living
    QUOTE:
    It cant rain all the time
    TV SHOW: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Walking Dead, True Blood
    FOOD:
    Spaghetti and blood
    DRINK: Meth, Yagger and redbull



G. NORMSTER - Actual musicians and artists without the fashion getup but sometimes gets called a hipster because hipsters call each other hipsters.

    MUSIC: Quiet Countries, ((( In Mono ))), Paper Uppercuts
    HANGOUTS: Beulahland, The Red Flag, The Standard, Nightlight
    RESTAURANTS:
    Holmans, Ole Ole
    BOOK: Blade Runner, Breakfast of Champions
    QUOTE: What the hell is that fucker wearing??
    TV SHOW: Seinfield, Family Guy, Battlestar Gallactica
    FOOD: BarbeQ Ribs, Mac n' Cheese
    DRINK: Whiskey, Pilsner



II. DOUCHEBAG

Don't even get me started. OK click HERE

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